lights and music are on my mind

it's clear that 2008 was no 2007, but that's no reason to discredit a flurry of bright spots. while picking number one was just as daunting, coming up with 20+ albums i genuinely liked this year required a couple extra weeks of recovery-enabled cramming. so without further ado, my favorite albums of the past 365-minus-a-week-or-so:

(quite) honorable mentions:

lil wayne - tha carter iii

coldplay - viva la vida or death and all his friends

beach house - devotion

annuals - such fun
tokyo police club - elephant shell

20. the dodos - visiter

>>LISTEN: winter, fools, undeclared

19. the helio sequence - keep your eyes ahead

>>LISTEN: hallelujah, broken afternoon, lately

18. oxford collapse - bits

>>LISTEN: young love delivers, featherbeds, children's crusade

17. the magnetic fields - distortion

--for a fair chunk of the last decade, stephen merritt and the magnetic fields resided near the top of the increasingly long list of "obviously decent bands i somehow hadn't gotten into"; and with the exception of one track ('if there's such a thing as love,' off 2004's i), i hadn't. ah, what a difference a day of forced binge listening in the jury pool can make.

>>LISTEN: california girls, the nun's litany, courtesans

16. perhapst - s/t

--with the decemberists taking the year off (and still nearly finding their way onto my individual tracks list with a darling little cover of the velvet underground's 'i'm sticking with you'), leave it to drummer john moen to craft one of the real highlights of this past summer. staying true to its cover art, perhapst drips from open to close with catchy, melodic twang. with a voice far more accessible (and depending on who you ask, likable) than bandmate colin meloy's, moen has turned out a warm, fuzzy collection of songs that is by no means "just another solo effort."

>>LISTEN: blue year, harbour, cruel whisk

15. the rosebuds - life like

--gentle, gloomy and downright scenic at times, life like almost comes off as a slightly poppier take on shoegaze. in doing so, however, ivan howard and kelly crisp throw a handful of catchier optimism into the mix, channeling the likes of the new pornographers and camera obscura. in the end, it all falls together seamlessly, the only drawback being their collective length (or lack thereof, at 33 min).

>>LISTEN: black hole, nice fox, border guards

14. bon iver - for emma, forever ago

--as was the case with a.a. bondy's american hearts (further down the list), i was under the impression that this lovely justin vernon offering belonged to 2007 (after all, 'for emma' did end up on my individual list). unlike bondy, however, i'd listened to this LP last year, and i'd loved it last year; so not to take anything away from making resolutions, but why should this year be any different?

>>LISTEN: skinny love, for emma, re: stacks

13. girl talk - feed the animals

--if only i'd been in college for girl talk's rise to becoming a party must... perhaps i would've learned via osmosis to dance properly in the company of others, thus avoiding the several injuries (and accompanying scars) i incurred this year on the dancefloor. my initial reaction to this summer staple was a simple preference for 2006's night ripper. before long, i realized i was listening to this installment what seemed like daily: in the car, working out, drinking with the roommates in our pool room. aside from a few manageable weak spots (speeding up the band's 'the weight' just sounds silly), feed the animals is 53 minutes bursting at the seams with a grab bag of nostalgia and attitude; and should anything ironic or schmaltzy from yesteryear arise, it's immediately countered with something equally contemporary and vulgar. after all, how can one possibly say no to lil wayne rapping about fellatio over sinead o'connor's 'nothing compares 2 u'?

>>LISTEN: let me see you, set it off, hands in the air

12. headlights - some racing, some stopping

--before it's run its course, it's easy to ingest opening track 'get your head around it' and passively bask in the whimsical ether it creates. there's certainly nothing wrong with it--it would likely have people flocking to google in search of finding out who played it, were it to appear in a springy ad for something along the lines of a fuel-efficient car or a new glade plug-in scent. initially, i caught myself wondering if i was getting in bed with another offspring of death cab's growing influence (this song, xylophones and all, struck me as quite similar to plans opener 'marching bands of manhattan' at times). on the other hand, the subsequent track, 'cherry tulips,' much as its title might suggest, struck--and still strikes--me as lush and refreshing; with few weak points, the rest of this compact, dreamlike boy-girl-boy-girl song-to-song dialogue accomplishes the same thing, leaving me ready for bed, quenched and with a bright red tongue.

>>LISTEN: cherry tulips, on april 2, january

11. human highway - moody motorcycle

--i've never by any means been enamored with nick thorburn's "main attraction" islands, their 2008 release arm's way being no exception. this year he teamed up with canadian songwriter jim guthrie, however, to make a dreamy little record chock full of what he referred to as "hot man-on-man vocal action." as their name would certainly indicate, the resulting product harks back to the days of neil young and even further back to the everly brothers, the final result possibly best experienced while sharing a milkshake in a swinging door salloon with sawdust on the floor.

>>LISTEN: the duties of a lighthouse keeper, what world, the sound

10. conor oberst - s/t

--stage names aside, it's hardly surprising to see conor oberst on another list of mine. if anything, this year would've been his year. back in august, i somehow ended up on stage (a stage that couldn't have been much bigger than 15 feet in any direction) directly next to him and the mystic valley band at a secret show (thus marking the height of any indie cred i'll ever amass) in koreatown. not that this didn't have any drawbacks--as great a vantage point as i had, things got a little close for comfort at times, what with his guitar up in my grill and such. as for the record, this self-titled effort is great, as expected. songs like 'cape canaveral' and 'milk thistle' invoke i'm wide awake it's morning, but the greater chunk of the album finds oberst evolving in a folkier, more seasoned direction; weathered by the journey from his introverted bright eyes persona, but by no means defeated.

>>LISTEN: get-well cards, danny callahan, moab

9. someone still loves you boris yeltsin - pershing

--from a band with arguably the best (if not most imaginative) name in recent memory, another indelible summer offering. perfectly suited for a sunny drive with the windows down and breeze running through your hair or paired with the clanging bottles and sizzling grill of a barbecue, it certainly flirts with the typical, collegiate acoustic "guster-ness" i've tried to distance myself from somewhat since graduating. on the other hand, this quality, along with the accessible catchiness and warm embrace--ultimately reels you in and whisks you away to a far more carefree place.

>>LISTEN: think i wanna die, dead right, the beach song

8. okkervil river - the stand ins

--to say will sheff and okkervil river exploded into my musical conscious in 2007 would be an understatement. i've been in love with this band ever since, spending most of the last year and change buried in their discography with scholarly dedication. while this follow-up to last year's the stage names (tops a year ago) doesn't quite live up to its predecessor (while pleasant, i'm not quite sure what to make of the three instrumental, well, "stand-in" tracks), the substance is there--namely in sheff's lush narratives. in addition to being both sincere and enthralling as a leadman, he's certainly established himself as a singer-songwriter to be reckoned with. few songs illuminated my own personal tendencies better than 'on tour with zykos,' which shone a light so bright on my own apathy i'm still wincing a little.

>>LISTEN: on tour with zykos, lost coastlines, calling and not calling my ex

7. fleet foxes - s/t

--i can say with reasonable confidence that i'm the only person i know (of those qualified) who didn't fall in love with this album when it surfaced just in time for summer--sure, i liked it; i just wasn't in love with it... yet. so while this selective deafness of mine prevents me from falling for the likes of animal collective and tv on the radio, i do like what i hear from these flannel-clad northwesterners--i like it a lot; and in time, i've slowly but surely acquired a taste for their richly layered, flowing brand of folk. (not to mention the fact that fleet foxes certainly set a lofty precedent, grabbing my attention with their sun giant EP in april.) blame it on the rain (los angeles is currently "enduring" its annual week-or-two of mild sprinkling), but come spring and summer 2009, i know i'll lose myself again in the cascading percussion of 'your protector' and appreciate this beautiful record the way i'm supposed to.

>>LISTEN: white winter hymnal, he doesn't know why, your protector

6. dr. dog - fate

--in a perfect world, i'd listen to every band's discography from start-to-finish. (when it comes to the myriad tv series i should be watching and make a point of catching myself up on, this policy is set in stone; for instance--if you sat someone down and had them watch a recent episode of LOST, you'd have no grounds for expecting them to understand anything other than the fact that everyone's stuck on an island and that matthew fox has an affinity for stroking his stubble. to me, fate--dismissed by people more familiar with the band than i as a lesser contribution--is a great episode, and i have no choice but to take it for what it is--my first taste of a great band. it might not be their best, but as far as this year goes, it only fell short of four other albums. fate pushes the listener into a slightly limited musical time machine, borrowing elements from crosby stills nash & young and the beatles, from big star and joni mitchell, dylan and the byrds. so while it's hardly the most innovative (or fluid) work to emerge from 2008, i'll take any episode of LOST over the best 'laguna beach' episode any day of the week. (big ups to homie adam kurland for his kanye-approved video for 'the ark.')

>>LISTEN: hang on, the rabbit the bat and the reindeer, the ark

5. little joy - s/t

--much like vetiver's more of the past EP, one of those undeniably charming surprises i stumbled upon toward the end of the year (and am immensely glad i did). my little brother played it for me in the car a few days back; next thing i know, i can't say no to these 11 songs that come off like a jet set weekend in 60's waikiki with lou reed, surrounded with sandy bikini-clad strangers and umbrellas in cocktails. sure, it may be on this list because i'm freshly hooked and it's barely committed to memory... and sure, perhaps i'll play this one out completely within a season. but with 'brand new start' nestling itself comfortably among my favorite singles of the year and just begging to be included in a future mixtape, i don't see myself growing wary anytime soon.

>>LISTEN: brand new start, don't watch me dancing, how to hang a warhol

4. a.a. bondy - american hearts

--as touched up on a few moments ago, allow me to reiterate: i thought this album came out in 2007. and until last night, american hearts was relegated, along releases from coconut records, lightspeed champion, and josh ritter to the handful of gems from 2007 which i simply discovered a calendar year too late. thanks to some clarification, however, from anna apocalypse (a fellow wildcat alum who could claim responsibility for the bulk of my indie education if she wanted), i've realized the album, while released in '07, was re-released in '08 in hopes of garnering a little more attention for the alabama--n? --nian? who knows? so while i can't say i'm sure of the accepted nomenclature for those who hail from our 22nd state--home to living rooms, bedrooms and dinettes (oh yeah!)--i can say with confidence that with the exception of a couple (still decent) tracks, this disc is as consistent yet interesting as any this year. while 'of the sea' may be my "go to sleep" song of '08, 'there's a reason' and 'vice rag' bring me back to a barefooted, slow-as-molasses southern summer i've never experienced, yet feels completely like home.

>>LISTEN: of the sea, rapture (sweet rapture), vice rag

3. noah and the whale - peaceful, the world lays me down

--my proclivity to saccharine, stringy love songs is no skeleton in the closet. if anything, i embrace this--from my youthful idealism, which leaves my foot in my mouth more often that not to the mixtapes i've given to unrequited loves and girlfriends alike. hell, in recent months, i may have gone as far as envisioning someone i was with walking down the aisle to the serenity of 'do what you do.' (my arms still swell up with goosebumps to the song's sweeping interlude, and equally so during that of the title track.) depending on preference, '5 years time' is as good a single as any in '08. it should come as no surprise that at one point--perhaps a slightly emotional one, but who am i to deny such qualities an influence?--i'd chalked peaceful in as my favorite album of the year.

>>LISTEN: do what you do, 5 years time, shape of my heart

2. vampire weekend - s/t

--by volume, there isn't an album i listened to more this year (according to my itunes, the VW song i listened to the least, opener 'mansard roof,' notched 50 listens). there isn't anything else remotely close. will there be a new album i listen to 50 times in 2009? will there be any album i listen to 50 times in 2009? unlikely. from the wes anderson-worthy charm of 'm79' to the rabid percussion that nails the catchy coffin shut on 'oxford comma,' i've been hooked since the first listen. in march, i drove down to san diego with jackie and saw them play a small club called the casbah because a) their show at the el rey sold out in a heartbeat; and b) ever since shelling out a c-note to see (only figuratively) the white stripes play there in 2002, i've held a passive grudge against the venue. two mornings after the casbah show, i popped ezra & company in for the drive back and she told me "i think i'm good on vampire weekend for a little while." i had the pleasure of seeing these guys twice this year (thrice, if you include their performance with the crenshaw high school drumline on kimmel)-- and both times, i was fortunate enough to show up early enough (not obsessively early, who does that?) to find myself front and center (and literally able to put my camera down on the stage if my shoulder needed a rest). my only complaint? two shows, no 'walcott.' when all's said and done, no band made me want to move to the east coast more than vampire weekend in 2008-- and i very nearly did.

>>LISTEN: oxford comma, m79, walcott

1. cut copy - in ghost colours

--from an aesthetic standpoint, all you need to know about this album is the following: it's seductive, engaging, and cohesive. it's vibrant and haunting, and that's why you're reading about it here. every now and then, we find ourselves fortunate enough to be so moved by the combination of circumstance and soundtrack that the two are forever bound. case in point: this summer, i was on a bus from jerusalem to tel aviv, on a good mixture and sharing 'lights & music' through split headphones with tori, the girl on my trip to israel i fell for--and would end up dating from across the country for three subsequent months). at one point, she turns up from my lap, looks me in the eye and somehow manages to ask with a straight face, "are you trying to seduce me?" given, i was (and given, it worked), but much like the first time i heard nada surf's 'inside of love' in the backseat of my friend katie's northbound car on tucson boulevard one summer night in 2004 or stepping off the train this october penn station on the way to my first interview in new york to okkervil's 'on tour with zykos,' it's the people and places such as these which form the musical connections we carry for a lifetime. a week or so after that night in tel aviv (where we'd end up on our first date at an overpriced sushi restaurant), we'd spent three hours killing bottles of wine and smoking cigarettes in a bus terminal in the red sea port of eilat. after uncomfortably struggling across the egyptian border at 3 a.m. in the presence of more guards than crossers and more guns than members in our party, four american twenty-somethings boarded a bumpy six-hour van ride across the sinai desert to cairo. as the rest of the group slept, i listened to 'lights & music' as we snaked our way through miles of monstrous, desolate canyon; when we emerged, i watched the sun rise.

>>LISTEN: hearts on fire, so haunted, strangers in the wind

>>DOWNLOAD:

[1-5]
[6-10]
[11-15]
[16-20]

taking advantage of the season

i'm sparing the verbosity for the larger works, but in the meantime, here are 30 favorites from this past year:

30. land of talk - some are lakes (some are lakes)
29. mgmt - time to pretend (oracular spectacular)
28. estelle feat. kanye west - american boy (shine)
27. bon iver - skinny love (for emma, forever ago)
26. neva dinova - a man and his dream (you may already be dreaming)
25. the dodos - winter (visiter)
24. she and him - i was made for you (volume one)
23. jason collett - through the night these days (here's to being here)
22. the ruby suns - oh, mojave (sea lion)
21. tokyo police club - tesselate (elephant shell)
20. tv on the radio - family tree (dear science)
19. fleet foxes - white winter hymnal (s/t)
18. frightened rabbit - the modern leper (the midnight organ fight)
17. the magnetic fields - california girls (distortion)
16. vetiver - just to have you (more of the past)
15. coldplay - lost! (viva la vida or death and all his friends)
14. oxford collapse - young love delivers (bits)
13. lil wayne feat. jay-z - mr. carter (tha carter iii)
12. ra ra riot - can you tell (the rhumb line)
11. beach house - gila (devotion)
10. human highway - duties of a lighthouse keeper (moody motorcycle)
9. miles kurosky - an apple for an apple
8. conor oberst - get-well cards (s/t)
7. cut copy - hearts on fire (in ghost colours)
6. nada surf - are you lightning (lucky)
5. okkervil river - on tour with zykos (the stand ins)
4. noah and the whale - do what you do (peaceful, the world lays me down)
3. headlights - cherry tulips (some racing, some stopping)
2. vampire weekend - oxford comma (s/t)
1. little joy - brand new start (s/t)

>>DOWNLOAD:
[1-15]
[16-30]

Addicted

Out on the balcony in the cold tonight
I wanted to celebrate
Wanted to celebrate today, the future
Our future

Embers falling on my legs
You’re out, white-nosed and crisp red
God, you look good in red
If only I were there

Looking at our pictures
Your smile
It only gets bigger

My hand’s a little shaky
Holding this pen like a smoke
I swallow a chip, breathe deep
I don’t even use these things

It’s raining in Philadelphia, 1 a.m.
I’m numbing myself to Wednesday
When I'll keep you dry
Shelter from the storm

Who are you with?
What are you doing?
Whatever

I miss you
Need you
Need your voice

I’m sorry
I can’t stop
Can’t keep my fucking mouth shut
Can’t keep these words to myself
They’re beautiful though, true
Clawing their way up my insides
Burning my throat

I’m only lookin’ out for you, baby
I’m gonna give you everything

Everything
You’re everything


(10.27.08)

i'm fucking obsessed with this song today

Rodriguez - Jane S. Piddy (1970)

Now you sit there thinking, feeling insecure
The mocking court gesture (jester) claims there is no proven cure
Go back to your chamber, your eyes upon the wall
'Cos you got no one to listen, you got no one to call

And you think I'm curious

Drifting, drowning in a purple sea of doubt
You wanna hear she loves you,
but the words don't fit the mouth
You're a loser, a rebel, a cause without

But don't think me callous

Dancing Rosemary, disappearing sister Ruth
It's just your yellow appetite
that has you choking on the truth
You gave in, you gave out, outlived your dreams of youth

And I can't get jealous

So go on, you'll continue with your nose so open wide
Knocking on that door that says "Hurry, come inside"
But don't bother to buy insurance
'cos you've already died

And you can't be serious

I saw my reflection in my father's final tears
The wind was slowly melting, San Francisco disappears
Acid heads, unmade beds, and you Woodward world queers

I know you're lonely
I know you're lonely
I know you're lonely
I know you're lonely...

(LISTEN!)

silly red states...

on my way back from philadelphia today, i encountered a 20-minute-turned-2-hours-thanks-to-mechanical-failure layover at phoenix's sky harbor today (you'll be receiving a call tomorrow, southwest--i'm not even close to finished with you guys). deciding on passing my time at one of those fun new circular tables which remind me of my childhood pediatrician's waiting room (sans the tonka trucks and fish tank) at the gate, i sat on a green and yellow cylinder and watched cnn cover barack obama's visit to the white house.

as i made sweet, sweet mouth love to my square double cheeseburger from wendy's, your run-of-the-mill scottsdale (insert anything but a sport here) mom sat her daughter down next to me and paced around the gate with her blackberry. kid couldn't have been older than 5.


within a minute:

"look mommy, it's john mccain's house."
"oh, no, honey-- the other man gets to live there now."

get me away from here, i'm dying

omfgz, earthquake!

thankfully, i was in the car. on the 10. so i didn't feel shit. (which is probably a good thing, seeing i've been mortified of quakes since 4:31 a.m. on january 17, 1994.) as luck would have it, i didn't know about the tremor until about a half hour later, only via a concerned call from michael's mom. turns out michael, in brussels, had read about it before i even had the chance to feel even the slightest aftershock or see something expensive fall off a shelf somewhere (and i say i'm becoming detached from this city...)

having taken a pit stop on a run to ogle travel packs inside air-conditioned REI in santa monica, i caught myself daydreaming about hollywood boulevard splitting down the middle: toursists, douchebags, douchebag tourists, and scientologists tumbling endlessly into the depths of the earth (followed by brendan fraser and the mummy franchise).

and this was the first time i smiled all day.


as we desperately claw toward hiatus, one thing i can't stop dwelling on is how tel aviv (7,563 miles from LA) isn't nearly as far away from this cesspool as i'd like. hot pot of coffee, i can't wait to be in new york again.

master cleanse

[i started this on june 30. it's july 23.]


when i went to sleep [on 6/29], i wrote myself a note:
"monday: write about becoming dispassionate."


i haven't written much lately. actually, i haven't written at all lately.

i've tried to commit myself to figuring out why this is (and when i say "trying to commit myself," i essentially mean a rigorous diet of drinking and smoking for the last season or so, and although it isn't taking nearly as devastating an effect on my body or mind as it should be (a waste is a terrible thing to mind), i really do feel like a portion of, well, me has completely burnt away. maybe this is a first step toward regaining that.

when i broke up with jackie on april 13, i didn't think i was making a mistake. she was great, and for all intents and purposes, the few months spent with her make up the most successful relationship i've had thus far. not to say it was the strongest i've ever felt about someone (it wasn't) or the longest i've been with someone (it wasn't) but things were really good for the bulk of it. my mom loved her, i thought i might someday; problem was, it never happened, and we plateaued. breaking up with her was one of the easiest and most difficult decisions i've ever had to make, but i convinced myself i was doing the right thing, and that was all i needed. we weren't falling in love, and after almost three months, i'd somehow expected that to happen by then. it only took one fight, and i lost it. i wasn't necessarily unhappy at that juncture, i just wasn't quite sure what we were doing together anymore; piss drunk on the phone for an hour outside canter's that saturday night, however, i'd made up my mind and i was too stubborn to cut my losses.

over the last three months, i've probably drank or smoked on 90% of the days. i've slept with a couple people; one old, one new. i've gone to new york, arizona and the bay area twice; i'm making my birthright trip to israel in august, followed by a few days in egypt, sandwiched between more downtime in new york. i've convinced myself i'm living in the wrong city (or at least working in the wrong city). i'm rediscovering how much i love photography and the process of framing things every day. i've gotten to play golf again; i played for the first time in almost a year out in scottsdale on a good mixture of pot and coors light and sank an ace. a good friend of mine from college has moved in with michael and i. i've flirted with a few promotions at work, but each letdown stings a little more.

i saw my closest cousin get married in june.

i don't see my parents nearly as much as i did a year ago, i see my brother once every 2-3 weeks; we all live within a couple miles of each other. my old roommate noah, who moved to new york in april to pursue a career as a playwright, moved back a few weeks ago to date and live with jackie; i'm about as comfortable as anyone with this.

i've motivationally fumbled with my ambitions of writing; after all, it requires me to write.

i'm spending my scarce hours with a different, evolving set of people. i hadn't felt genuinely affectionate toward a girl again until a couple weeks ago, and it's not necessarily a favorable situation. for the first time since i've known two of the most important women i met in college, i'm not habitually falling back in love with them after things didn't pan out; they deserve better and i think i've finally learned that lesson.

it's time to move on.

Los Angeles, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down

Shortly before graduating and leaving Arizona in 2006, someone close to my heart told me she felt like she was "losing me to L.A." (This somehow remains one of the most touching things anyone's ever said to me, and I ended up writing 'Oceanside' for her shortly after. It's arguably one of my favorite poems--pieces, possibly--I've ever written.) Nonetheless, sometimes, I feel I've lost myself to this place. I love it to death--it's my home, my youth, my likely future; yet in time, it beats me into the ground and I'm overcome with the need to escape it.

As of now, if things were to go as planned this summer (but do they ever?), I could be spending time as far west as I've been from home (Hawaii) [EDIT, 6/30/08--NOT HAPPENING--flights: too fucking expensive], as far north (Alaska) [EDIT, 6/30/08--NOT HAPPENING--too fucking expensive, work frowns upon taking off for two weeks in between two 2-week hiatuses, apparently], and as far east (Israel). (Not to mention the possibility of briefly visiting some destinations in Europe and/or Asia Minor after Birthright in Israel.) [EDIT, 6/30/08--EGYPT!!--I'll need to get back to work, but not without a couple extra days off.] Perhaps I should look into Argentina or New Zealand and take care of the south. [EDIT, 6/30/08--Let's not rule this out; there's a lotta year left, and if I've learned anything thus far in 2008, it's that I'm acting more and more impulsively with less and less regard for this little thing called "finances."]

I've never been so eager to get to know my camera better.

february

i met someone.

superblog XLII

bill simmons gets paid a lot more than me to crack wise with his stream of consciousness during major sporting events, but know what? i finished ahead of him in the kimmel staff march madness pool last year (top ten, in case you were wondering), so i practically feel obligated to do this. i may even resort to touching upon the actual game (don't get your hopes up, though).


42 Notes on Super Bowl XLII

1. i've been betting a ten spot on the coin toss since SB38 in 2004, when i first realized that that was an option (i've since learned that you can bet on far more specific and questionable super bowl occurrences). i've never won; four years running. this year, i've consulted an outside source who's been nothing but great for me the last week (separate blog, see: near future), and we're going with heads.

2. i've been betting on the super bowl since SB36 in 2002, when i took the "greatest show on turf" rams giving a pair of touchdowns to tom 'tuck rule' brady and the upstart patriots. the rest is history, america, fuck yeah! i've been talking giants nonstop the last two weeks, but i cop out at the last minute because there's no way that happens to me and millions of other degenerate gamblers twice. pats giving 12.5. always fun to root for a blowout.

2.5. i consider the possibility of eli manning leading the giants to victory, much like brady did in 2002 for his first ring. say this happened, and we as football fans were thrust into an era of montana-esque dominance by peyton's slightly-more-retarded little brother? it'd be like bush taking over the white house in 2000. don't say i didn't warn you.

3. if you're drinking, take a swig for every time you see or hear anything about:
-pat tillman
-tom brady/terry bradshaw
-spygate
-the 1972 dolphins
-fox series cast members (all of whom happen to be at the game, sitting near each other, and sharing nachos)

4. i sprint to vons to buy tortillas and chips. i get back immediately following the coin toss, almost winded. 0 for 5. girl's got some 'splaining to do.

5. josh made us a super bowl cake; it's exactly what it sounds like. i get lit and eat a few dozen gum drops, imagining they're cars in the parking lot.



6. godfather ad by audi: fantastic. sure, i was secretly hoping for it to be an ironic ad for hyundai or kia (do they still make those?), but i must say: one sexy car (you know, if people had could have sex with cars). don't hold your breath.

7. pepsi's 'night at the roxbury' spot is an early favorite. are you surprised by the fact that they couldn't get will ferrell?

8. brent accuses josh of being a racist:
"just because i'm mexican, you assume i like tacos?"
"yup. do you like tacos?"
"yeah."
i intervene: "josh, you're jewish, do you like money?"

9. brent asks me why i'm compulsively typing away on my iphone. i tell him i've been obsessively jotting down material (anything i find remotely interesting) for a potential stand-up routine; somehow, i've now promised him one percent of my lifetime DVD sales. thankfully, probably not happening (neither of those.)

10. we're pausing the game to crack beers outside and barbecue. we're pausing the commercials to hotbox the bathroom. with all this pausing, we very may well find out who won the super bowl an hour and a half later than the rest of society. (thankfully, there end up being myriad skip-worthy commercials about native american gambling propositions and pharmaceuticals which catch us up by halftime.)

11. the cheaply animated racist in me is glad title sponsor salesgenie.com isn't above cheaply animated, racially insensitive commercials.

12. noah politely requests that i put a straw in a beer and chug it with my mouth completely around the top of the bottle and the straw sticking out sideways. it can't be more than 2 seconds. why didn't i know about this?! to quote myself, channeling ray charles one fateful night last year, "i feel like i'm seeing things for the first time, and i'm at a really good halloween carnival."

13. 'under armour: the movie' premieres. it's long, it's intense, it's a bunch of jacked dudes training in textbook locations from early '90's music videos. it's 300 meets gridiron gang, and it's hilarious.

14. brent, michael and myself are all wearing blue shirts. arin's wearing brown. to answer her question, no, she cannot sit on the couch.

15. arin jokingly asks who's playing. why can't we not take these things up a notch? ac milan-arsenal. lakers-sonics. the all-time negro league all-stars versus the raleigh, north carolina AYSO 8-9 year old boys & girls soccer team.

16. smirky kimmel writer will burke appears at the end of one of the funnier spots so far (what is it about screaming animals that really does it for me?). i don't even remember the ad right now, but at this point, it's the loudest i've yelled. i jump up from the couch and present company looks at me all funnylike.

17. fedex pigeon commercial: winner. sure, super bowl ads are always animal-heavy, today being far from an exception. it isn't typical, however, for these ads to be giant-birds-dropping-giant-cargo-on-traffic-heavy... and not nearly typical enough.

18. i can't wait to find someone at work with a stain on their shirt tomorrow and mimic everything they say with a rendition of robin williams vomiting loudly.

19. here's what i'd like to know: if your heart pops out of your chest, how the fuck are you supposed to sit back and watch as it storms into your boss's office and quits your job for you? (and why doesn't it leave bloody little footsteps with it's presumably bloody little feet?)

20. not quite beyonce, not quite vitamin water.

21. planters commercial. uni-browed redhead. peanuts in cleavage. peanuts everywhere. i may never eat planters nuts again. mr. peanut must be rolling in his grave. good thing i've already thought up a few "things that start with 'e' and 'n' enjoy emerald nuts" spots.

22. hi. that was a fucking push-off.

23. i've yet to solve the mystery of picking my perfect threesome to get stoned with. charles barkley might not make it to the final 3, but he'd make a run. i can also now say i'd pay the price of admission to see him and dwayne wade in a chick flick together.

24. josh reminds me of the brief period of our college experience best distinguished by the presence of literally a truckload of "promotional" doritos rollitos chips in our house (these were a potential new snack being tested on college kids, josh was to be administering them, but somehow, 99% of them ended up back at our place). i suggest he works in pinkberry's marketing department.

25. if you've ever watched one single quarter of any game with me, you know one of my all-time favorites from the pigskin vernacular is "football move" (i.e. a receiver must make a football move after catching a pass and controlling the ball before it can be stripped and ruled a fumble; otherwise, the play is ruled an incomplete pass). when i think of football moves, i think about striking the heisman pose, the ol' huck-n'-buck, and so on. what if a back were to catch a screen pass, break it to the outside and finger-roll the ball into the endzone? basketball move. how about a (ridiculously open) receiver catching a pass near the sideline and getting rachel nichols' hotel key before he steps out? smooth move. i'm sure that's happened several times. avoid eye contact, gonorrhea of the eye is very, very real.

26. josh tells me fox's trademark, running-in-place, football-playing robot is named (drumroll)... CLETUS. if this name elicits anything other than the slack-jawed yokel of simpsons fame, i'm probably scared of you (or at least would like a back story). is this some sort of newscorp premonition of a future rise to world-domination by the south?

27. brent insists the robot's name is MO-ANTHONY. in what may be the first-ever serious talk i've had about parenting, we discuss how fun it would be to intentionally raise one child of yours as if he were a gang member-in-training from a rough neighborhood, encouraging a lifestyle riddled with sex, drugs and crime... all while bringing your other kids up to be decent, law-abiding, gap-wearing citizens.

28. unpolished ads confronting teenaged drug dealers are definitely somewhere near the bottom of my funniest SB ad genres list. at least give me a talking ferret with some insight on cocaine use during pregnancy or a motherly hen imploring me not to drive drunk.

29. michael gives me shit for wanting to watch the halftime show (it had been initially considered for fast-forward time in order to get back live). it's not that i'd rather watch tom petty than potentially funny commercials; i simply want to watch tom petty. guy's awesome. and he opens with 'american girl,' backed by what appear to be a band of hobos. petty's the lead hobo. he gets the first bite of the half-eaten dumpster apple every night.

30. something to consider: 2004: justin timberlake introduces the world to janet jackson's right boob. 2005: paul mccartney rubs one out under his piano (ok, that was made up; i'm not even sure if he played a piano). 2007: a silhouetted prince holds his iconic guitar suggestively behind a wall of billowing fabric. 2008: an awfully phallic guitar penetrates a heart where petty and his bandmates are playing. i know the super bowl makes me sexually excited, but really? i never noticed how slowly but surely sporting events have become TV-MA.

31. did i mention we hotboxed the bathroom just in time for the halftime show? good call.

32. we hit up espn to watch ice dancing or division II biathlon regionals or whatever the fuck anyone else watches today. what the fuck else do people (theoretically) watch during the big game? i wonder if anyone would even notice if CBS started broadcasting a two-hour, heavily-produced porno at 4:00 PST on super sunday. turns out some folks (again, theoretically) watch the strongman competition. we're watching a sta-puft norwegian beast name ODD do squats with two small cars serving as weight. i can do that, i just don't want to.

33. osi umenyiora (giants' defensive end). almost sounds like "human gyro." or was it "human hero"? which would you rather eat: a human gyro, or a human hero?

34. i confide to brent that were i forced to change my name to brent or brentrelle, i'd go with the latter. everything's cooler when you just add -trelle.
josh, joshtrelle.
noah, no'trelle.
mike, miketrelle.
ok, maybe not everything.

35. referee mike carey might not be on the ball with his flag-tossing (see: declaring the giants as having 12 men on the field for a punt, removing flag from belt, enthusiastically dropping flag, penalizing the giants five yards, picking up flag), he knows his signals--he doesn't "make" signals, the man performs them... with all the grace of a gay black magician. he can come play charades at our place any time he wants.

36. leave it to the geniuses at bud light (the hit-or-miss ad-makers) to have a black guy soar through the sky (after drinking watered down piss)...and get sucked into an airliner's engine. at least they got jj abrams to direct the ad; the guy survives. (but why'd they put him in an airport? if you could fly, i'd imagine you could fly direct.)

37. smiles all around trophy for the day: parade balloon stewie and parade balloon underdog go at it for a parade balloon coke, and parade balloon charlie brown comes out of nowhere to snag it. of all the mothafuckin' parade balloons i know, he's the mothafuckest.

38. about as into an ad as i can get: big black dog furiously laps up every last drop of water from his bowl. gatorade: man's best friend. word. i could watch this ad for an hour, no prob.

39. note to bud light: cast will ferrell in as many ads as possible. suck one.

40. victoria's secret model playing with a football (which very well could be mine, or yours, or anyone's!): the most pleasant 30 seconds of my afternoon. happy valentine's day, indeed. when's that again?

40.5. i'm pretty sure donkeylips from salute your shorts just used nipple clamps...on himself. thanks to steve francisco for confirming this via txt. i've completely forgotten about that victoria's secret ad. she was hot, right?

41. eli just pulled one of the all-time great super bowl plays out of his ass. i'm not saying this lightly, either: he reached up there, felt around, had a cup of coffee and read the sunday funnies, then extracted it. meanwhile, i'm humbly eating my words, one by one, yet again.

42. giants 17, pats 14. mercury morris, you can pop your champagne.

42.5. board up your windows and buy some groceries; hurricane eli is here.
42.6. if tom brady is in fact straight, gisele won't be doing much walking tomorrow.

white out.

so let's give it up for the new year...

less:
drink, smoke, waste. sit. pine. nitpick. nailbite.

more:
live, listen, love. read. write. persist. cook. exercise. experiment. reflect.

to do:
get published. get committed. get mine.




i can't believe it's been seven years.